Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All the doctor said was why
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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