I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Acid is not a monday night drug
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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