"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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