That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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