dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
