i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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