I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
