I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
