Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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