Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
