Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
