We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
