It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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