Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
