end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
