rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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