Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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