he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
