Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
