She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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