I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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