I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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