Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
