my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
