All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
