ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
