Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
