I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did i walk over a car last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
