final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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