I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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