Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
