if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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