dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
