I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
