and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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