I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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