Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
