Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
