and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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