How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
