I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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