Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
