He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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