Umm I'm too high to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
operation harelip BJ is a go
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
