Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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