onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
