Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
