I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
