she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
