Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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