Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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