great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
