They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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