Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
