Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
