so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
