Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
