I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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