Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
