Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
