Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
