I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
