Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
