Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize