yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
