Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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