I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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