I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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