Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found puke in my bra..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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