I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
