when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
