He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
