he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
