I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
