i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
