Is it because I queefed?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
