Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
