I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
