She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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