It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
