tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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