just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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